Laugh if you will...

...or just don't bother reading on, because I want to write a post about diets. Or maybe I should just say, "diet," and not *diet* such as in, "I am on a diet!" but diet as just in what I am eating or not eating, or eating too much of...etc.

I am not really sure what I want to say, but I have been thinking about eating a lot lately, mostly because in the last few years I seem to eat as much as possible when it comes to *free food* and I want to STOP IT. As much as I love food, I am also a terribly picky eater, so I don't know what my problem is. I even went so far to go back and re-read some of those terrible diet books we have, you know, Atkins, South Beach, French Women Don't Get Fat, WW Points, etc. The first three suck for plenty of reasons, but the biggest reason being the recipes. Stop giving me f*cking recipes that involve some weird herbs or ingredients that I need to travel to five different specialty stores to find and then never use because I am too tired after trying to find them all...not to mention I just spent $100 trying to make some meal I won't even like. I don't like brown rice and I don't like fish (or any seafood for that matter). I can't pretend so don't make me. I don't want to eat only meat for 2 weeks straight so don't make me. And I cannot and will not go to Eastern market and spend hours pouring over the perfect pear or something because that's what the French would do. PLEASE!!!

And then WW points. Sounds ok--you want to eat something, but you have to figure out how many points it is and then keep within your little limit...that is fun, for about a week and a half and then it tends to backfire on you. You start questioning portion size, "Gee, these McDonald French fries seem a little light today, so maybe I'll knock off a point," or, "Well, I didn't eat all the sauce in my lean cuisine, so maybe it was really only a 2 point meal!" Ha! Please....save me.

Even worse than WW points was some weird computer program a couple of graduate students gave me at work that you had to type in your weight, your goal weight, the date you wanted to reach your goal, and then it would calculate how many calories you could eat each day, but you had to make sure you logged in every. bite. of . food. all. day. long. until you maxed out for the day. Who has that kind of time or patience??????

My work is offering these *wellness* sessions on healthy eating or healthy lifestyles and I went to one on Wednesday called the *virtual grocery store* where a nutritionist proceeded to tell us for an hour we need to eat more fruits, veggies and whole grain foods, and stop eating things like potato chips and processed food. Really? I was shocked (note sarcasm here). But I nearly lost it when she told us that a fun food would be microwaving a sweet potato, adding a pinch of brown sugar, a packet of Splenda and mashing it all together and it was "just like dessert!" Are you f*cking kidding me? Did you really smoke crack before you showed up to teach this session? Even worse were the people in the audience chiming in with, "I make sure I eat 45 grams of fiber daily!" or, "I like to mix in spinach leaves into a smoothie for my kids, and they just love it!" I felt like I was sitting in with a group of nutritional Stepford wives. You should have seen the looks everyone gave me when I admitted I still drink whole milk. The horrors!!

So, my latest purchase in trying to understand my great need to stuff my face like a pig has been the book, Intuitive Eating. Another quick read, and I could sum up the entire book in about 2 sentences, but the thing I liked most about this one was no recipes. No freaky ingredients...no one telling me that I would learn to love to eat x, y, or z in my new *lifestyle change*...just intuitive eating. What is it? Eat what you want, but stop when you are comfortably full. If you want a snickers bar, don't eat carrots or rice cakes, eat a snickers bar. If you want ice cream for dinner, then eat ice cream for dinner, just don't gorge yourself...stop when you are comfortably full. How, well...intuitive! Now if I could just convince my brain to start thinking that way again. I especially like the part where (paraphrased, of course) they said if you started eating something and it tastes like crap, don't FINISH it--throw it out (unless you are a a situation such as a relatives' house where you would clearly offend the host if you didn't eat their prepared meal).

Kids are natural intuitive eaters--they know when they are hungry and WILL stop when they are full until they are taught by an adult that it is BAD to leave food on their plate because people are starving in (insert some starving kid country here) or they must eat everything on their plate or they can't leave the table and we'll sit for 12 hours until you finish that soup!! Or, "Are you sad? Here, have a cookie!" Stuff like that....I was lucky being number 7 of 8 so that other than the occasional prodding by my mom to "eat just ONE kernel of corn", I was never really hassled into finishing my plate or eating something I didn't want (but I honestly think it was because my parents figured, hey more food for the rest of us if you don't want to eat!) but lately...the free food, especially the unbelievably large amounts available free at work makes me gorge.

Take yesterday--we had our annual Halloween potluck and had dishes from every corner of the globe. There were twice as many desserts as there were main dishes, and I just wanted it all...it was so good I ate until I felt physically sick for the rest of the day and I don't understand why I do this now when I would never have done something like this in the past.

Then there are the invited lecturers or conferences where there is gobs of free cheese and crackers and fruit...or the Ph.D. dissertation defenses where the defender brings in soda and cake or cookies and sandwiches trying to win over their dissertation committee with food...it is all there, in the workroom, begging to be eaten...or the birthday every other week with cake...why why why can't I just say, no, anymore? What has changed where food has become such an obsession?

So, my real hope with writing this post is that if I actually write it down and put it *out there* so to speak, I will force myself to do this...to really think about how I feel when I eat and just stop when I am full. Just because they give me 500 lbs of food at the Chinese restaurant at the mall doesn't mean I have to eat it all.right.now. It will still be there tomorrow...and it is ok to throw out food...I don't need to eat food just because one of my kids wants to *share* their goldfish or cheese....and just because there is *free* food in the workroom, doesn't mean I have to eat it.

So maybe I do not need to lose 20 lbs, but I don't want to gain it, either. I want to have some energy again at the end of the day...I want to exercise more...I want to be healthy...but I don't want to be brainwashed by some new fad, either. I know when I am not obsessing about it, I do eat fairly healthy. I know some days I could just eat whoppers all day long, and others I just want fruit and veggies. Eating less seems reasonable to me...if I could just get my mouth to work with my brain and stomach, maybe all would be well.

Sexual Abuse in US Schools

Here's a recent article from msnbc.com suggesting that sexual abuse in US schools much more prevalent than people usually think. In fact, the article suggests that schools have been covering up extensive abuse in much the same way that the Catholic Church has done.

I was never aware of anything like this happening in schools I went to, but Barb describes some pretty scary stuff from her high school, including teachers dating, impregnating and marrying students.

This disturbs me for two reasons, first because of the prevalence of the abuse itself, but also because they make people very wary of having men work with young people in any way. And, it makes men think twice about dedicating themselves to such careers because of fears of being labeled an abuser.

In my current internship I've been working with kids who have been traumatized by witnessing terribly violent acts (sometimes even having witnessed one parent murder another). I really like these kids and I'm enjoying learning the therapeutic techniques associated with helping them, but I'm also very cautious about being alone with a child while their parent sits in the waiting room.

Because of that, among other things, its more likely that I'll direct my future career more towards working with adults.

As far as abuse in school goes, fear of that isn't the reason we're homeschooling, but at least its something we don't have to worry about.

Laundry and dishes, laundry and dishes....

I think "Laundry and dishes" has been Hawksbill's and my mantra this semester. That is pretty much all we have time to do and the number one and two things that need to be done in our house. Sure, it WOULD be nice to clean for real one of these days, and it seems like 2-3 weeks the house gets a "wash down" as Simon likes to call it, but on a day to day basis, all we focus on is laundry and dishes and cleaning up only major disasters. Right now, the house looks like a tornado hit it, even though I know Hawksbill straightened everything up on Tuesday. Oh, well...there is a holiday break between December 25th and New Years and I am sure one of those days we'll clean again.

I took the day off yesterday, and we all went to Romeo to a pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins and buy some apples and donuts. I am not a big cider person, so I skipped that part of the apple orchard. I took pictures, but as always, I do not have a digital camera so it will be weeks before I see how things turned out. I keep meaning to post pictures that would go with some of the previous posts I had written, but it seems so far away, it hardly seems worth it now.

We are still focusing mostly on math and reading this semester for homeschooling. However, Simon informed Hawksbill on Tuesday that his math worksheets were "boring". Sigh...but he is right...the pages where he has to fill in the 20 math questions (which are really 5 math questions repeated 4 times) ARE boring. He doesn't mind the pages where they ask him to color in things, or write his own math problems. He also hates it when they list 3 numbers and ask him to write the number that is one larger than the number listed. For example, it will say, " 13 ____, 27 ___, 18 _____," and Simon will tell one of us, "I don't want to write 14, 28 or 19, so I am going to put in my own numbers," and then proceeds to write down any darn number he wants which is fine by me.

Simon has also been asking a lot about how to read numbers in the thousands, ten thousand, hundred thousands, etc. I think he wants to do this so he can read his score off of his Star Wars Lego games. He wants to be able to tell us how many coins he has. Also, this way he can tell us what the numbers that are on buildings when we are driving.

I want to find some more puzzle books for Simon because he likes to do word searches and mazes and puzzles...so we will probably go to Target tonight and see what we can find. Simon is also becoming an expert in Star Wars Lego I and II on the playstation. I feel bad when he asked me questions about Star Wars because other than the characters' names from the first 3 movies, I know nothing about Star Wars. Hawksbill bought him a couple of "I can read" books on Star Wars that he LOVES, so those are the books he is asking me to read over and over again to him right now.

Gwen is really into being read to now. She really likes these alphabet books that we bought when Simon was a baby, and she knows probably half of her letters. I think it is funny because when Simon was 18 months, Hawksbill and I read those over and over and over drilling the alphabet into his head so he knew his letters by the time he was 2, and now with Gwen, I am not so worried. If she knows them by the time she is 3, that is great, but I am not psycho-obsessed with forcing them to learn things by a certain age.

We all have been watching Northern Exposure lately in our little Alaska fantasy. Gwen informed us she only wants to go to Alaska if she can see moose!! I have been wanting a kid to be obsessed with moose and it looks like it is going to be Gwen. We also tivoed (is that even a word?) some travel channel shows on Alaska, but I think they were narrated by the same guy who narrates the Texas hold-em poker tournaments, so they weren't exactly what I was hoping they would be. I guess what I wanted was more of a National Geographic kind of feel. Ah, well...it would be nice if we could save up enough for a trip for 4 to Alaska. Simon said he wanted to go next week, but we had to disappoint him and tell him it wasn't possible. Maybe in a year and a half we can save up enough to go, but for now, we will just have to keep watching old reruns of Northern Exposure and movies that use Alaska as a setting.

Please forgive the typos. To say I am tired is an understatement...I will worry more about grammar when it is truly necessary. :)

A rough week....

Last week Wednesday was a sad day. Early at work my sister, A, called to let me know that my brother, B's, mother-in-law had passed away the night before. Mrs. B was such a nice person--always smiling, always happy. She was a welcome face at any gathering. I was sad that I hadn't asked her more about her life because it wasn't until I read her obituary that I found out she and her husband (who preceded her in death 16 years to the day) had worked at the Octagon House which is one of my favorite landmarks near my parents' house. Although it wasn't completely unexpected, Mrs. B had inoperable cancer, it was still a shock to hear that she had passed.

But to make matters worse, less than an hour after my sister had called, Hawksbill called me to tell me my Aunt Mary had just called to let me know my Uncle Mike had passed away the night before. I actually hung up and called Hawksbill back to make sure I heard him correctly. Uncle Mike was so sweet--another happy face--always always smiling and laughing. He will truly be missed.

I spoke to my Aunt Mary on Friday, and she told me that when at the hospital on Tuesday, Uncle Mike told the doctors that his brother (who had died years before) came to him to tell him that it was his time to die. His brother said that Uncle Mike would have a massive heart attack and that he was coming to take him that day. Apparently, the doctors laughed him off and told him he wasn't going anywhere today...but then Uncle Mike laid down smiling, had a massive heart attack and died. Aunt Mary said he was so happy when he went because he truly believed he was going to a better place and she was happy for him.

Goodbye Mrs. B and Uncle Mike...you will be missed....

Damn you, Farley Mowat!!!

When I was younger two of my favorite authors were Jack London and Farley Mowat, both of whom wrote adventure novels of the Alaskan and Canadian wilderness. Everyone knows Jack London, so I won't bother describing his work, but Mowat is mostly known to Canadians. He wrote the book "Never Cry Wolf", which was turned into a fairly successful movie back in the mid 80's. Also, his book "A Whale for the Killing" was made into a pretty good made-for-TV movie around the same time. And I've never read his book "The Snow Walker" but it was made into a movie back in 2003 (directed by Charles Martin Smith who starred in "Never Cry Wolf"), which we rented earlier this year and it re-invoked my desire for wilderness adventures.

For the most part these wilderness desires of mine are kept far back in the recesses of my mind and labeled "unrealistic" by the sensible adult in me, but every once in a while the foolishness is rekindled. Back in 1995 when Barb and I were finishing our undergraduate degrees we both applied for grad school at the University of Alaska at Fairbanks. We were in middle of the application process when I got hired for my consultant job at Pcubed. We decided that I should stay at that job and save up some money, but then they kept promoting me and giving me more money... we bought a house and had kids and left those Alaskan dreams behind us.

I haven't really thought of it a lot since then. I had more of less written it off as foolishness, but a few weeks ago something happened that brought it all back again. I was at school chatting with some other students waiting for class to start and we were talking about job hunting. One woman, who is graduating in December said she'd been looking at Alaska jobs because they pay so well. I said, "huh?... tell me more..." It turns out that Social Work jobs in Alaska do pay quite well and there are quite a few of them. In Michigan starting salaries can range from $25K-45K or so, but I've recently found Alaska jobs that range from 45K-70K, and they often include signing bonuses, living stipends and moving expenses (up to 5K just for moving).

And, on top of that, Alaska has no sales taxes and the state has a NEGATIVE tax for residents. They pay you to live there.

Then, I mentioned this to my attorney and HE started looking at Alaska jobs as a public defender and found out that they pay really well also. He's even gone so far as to apply for one in one of the most remote places on the planet, the city of Barrow, which is along Alaska's northern coast, right on the Arctic Ocean. I'm very jealous.

That far north might be a bit too much, though. I've been looking at Anchorage, which is south, central, AK, or in the S.E. of the state, perhaps even including Juneau, which you can't even drive to, but must fly into or take a ferry boat. However, I did see a job involving helping kids at an orphanage on the ocean in N.W., Alaska that paid well and offered some nice benefits (relocation costs + signing bonus) so that is something to consider too.

Barb still seems willing to consider the idea and sounds interested by it, if not entirely as excited as I am. We've talked about whether or not we'd have to sell our house or if we could rent it out. This latter option would be nice because we could maybe move to Alaska on a "temporary" basis (2-3 years) and then come back to our own house if it wasn't something we wanted to do permanently. That would also give time for the housing market in the Detroit area to improve.

If we do decide to move to the far north, it won't be immediately. Most of the jobs that I've found require a state Social Work license, which would require 1-2 years of post graduation work experience anyway. But, at the very least, this goal might help me figure out what kind of work experience I'd need for that move. I've become very interested in trauma therapy lately, because of my work with kids at my current internship, but I think I'd also need to focus on working with drug & alcohol dependency. I'm thinking that if I could work at a local Veteran's Administration after I graduate, that would cover both bases and would set me up both for getting my LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and would provide the experience needed for many of the Alaskan jobs.

Anyway, I can't keep my mind off Alaska again. Here's a couple of interesting items:

fairbanksorbust.blogspot.com is a blog about a public defender in Alaska. When it begins it is about a lawyer and his pregnant wife living in California and dreaming about Alaska, much like I am. I'm working my way through it now.

Arctic Cam is an online cam of Fairbanks.

Top 100 Things I Love About Living In Alaska. Actually, it's only 26, but it is a good list. My attorney sent this one to me when he got the bug too.

Living in Alaska FAQ. Lots of good info by the same author as above. Both of these make Juneau sound very attractive. The cost of living does sound a bit high, but that is true all over Alaska. The large number of boats sounds pretty nice though. I've always wanted to learn to sail.

Librarians in Alaska. All around the state, librarians describe what life is like up there.

Life in Alaska. Nuff said.

Life in Alaska Another Blog.

Most importantly, though. It turns out that homeschooling laws in Alaska are just as flexible as those in Michigan; meaning that there practically aren't any. No documentation or registration with the state of any kind is required. Woot!

Yoda music video

Uh oh... we just found another Weird Al Video...

Blokus, Star Wars and Super Bunny

The last post was too serious. I'd meant to write about some of the fun we're having at home, but didn't get that far. I'll try again.

As I mentioned a while back, now that Simon is of an age where we can enjoy some basic board games together, we've decided to follow the general rule of buying a new board game each month that we can play with the kids. For September we picked up a copy of Travel Blokus. Travel Blokus is just like regular Blokus, except that it is a 2-player instead of a 4-player game.

In it, each player has 21 plastic tiles made up of 1-5 small squares that look a lot like Tetris shapes. The players take turns playing 1 tile at a time on a 14X14 grid with only one rule about tile placement: each tile you place must touch at least one of your previously placed tiles at the corners, but they must never touch sides. The winner is the player who gets the most of their tiles on the board. Very simple.

Simon, Barb and I have been playing at least a couple of games a day for the last week or so and it is quite fun. Simon is getting better at it as we go along and has even developed a strategy all on his own (he places his biggest pieces first). So far he's kind of inflexible with this strategy, but it is a strategy and I'm pleased that he figured it out without help. (I'm also pleased that he learned the word "strategy").

Also, Simon's interest in Star Wars has hit a new high. I taught him how to search around YouTube and he's discovered a treasure trove of Star Wars related videos of one kind or another. He's also been playing the PS2 Star Wars Lego game a lot again because he discovered a YouTube video describing all the "cheats" and hidden goals in the game and now he's trying to unlock all the "gold bricks". Where does he get this from?

The other day I was watching TV and Simon was on the computer watching YouTube videos again. I noticed that he was watching this one over and over again:



I'd never seen this before, but apparently its been out for a while. I thought him watching this was funny for about 8 different reasons, not the least of which is how much I love it that he and I share obsessions. Here's another version of the same song with a montage of scenes from the movies and other sources. Oh, and here are the lyrics to the Weird Al song.

Simon still hasn't seen the actual Star Wars movies yet. Maybe over Christmas this year.

Gwen has been having fun all her own. She loves running around the house with a small blanket tied around her neck and carrying a "magic wand". She'll run in circles and stop periodically to cry out: "Super Bunny to the World!" I tried to get her to replace the word "world" with the word "rescue", but she wouldn't have any of it.

Also, Gwen has been much more interested in books lately. For the last year or so she's preferred singing songs at bedtime instead of reading. Lately, though, she's changed her preferences and we've been adding board books to the mix. She really likes Hippos Go Berserk, Blue Hat Green Hat and Dinos to Go. (We're big Sandra Boynton fans around here.)

This isn't to say that we've stopped singing. We still sing the same three songs at bedtime every night. They are "Yesterday" (Beatles, of course), "You are my sunshine" and "Hush Little Baby". I try to add new songs to the mix occasionally, but she's seldom interested. Maybe I can memorize the Weird Al Star Wars song for her...

Next up we have to prepare for Halloween. We let Simon decide on all of our costumes. He's all ready as Han Solo and Gwen now has the cutest little Princess Lea costume complete with fake hair-buns. Now Barb and I just have to figure out how to get her set up as Luke Skywalker and me as Obi Wan. Shouldn't be too hard. Plus... we get light sabers! Woot!