Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Disciplinary Actions

CNN has run some more articles lately about goings on in schools.

This article discusses a US govt. GAO report (Government Accountability Office) which concluded that there is "widespread abuse of techniques use to restrain or discipline special-education students in U.S. schools, with some deaths linked to the practices."

Apparently it is not rare that special needs children with autism or Down syndrome are treated in ways not dissimilar to those forced upon prison inmates. One of the more common disciplinary techniques is to lock children as young as six years old in a small room completely alone for up to hours at a time.

Here's another article about these seclusion rooms (which are also, my wife tells me, called "responsibility rooms"). This article discusses the particular case of a 13 year old boy in Georgia who killed himself in one of these rooms. The teachers locked him in and gave him a rope to help keep his pants up. He used the rope to hang himself. This picture is of the door to that exact room (front and back of the door, I assume).

Thank God in Michigan, where we live, state law prohibits using these rooms for more than 15 minutes at a time and the child must be "supervised" during that time. Good thing my state is especially enlightened.

Since this has been publicized it is unlikely that this particular sort of discipline will continue to be used (at least for a while). But apparently when it was used the parents were seldom if ever notified. And, if parents did become aware of a child being forced into solitary confinement, the parents were not allowed to see these rooms if they requested to do so.

Taken from the second article, here are some examples of other specific instances of disciplinary actions used against American students:

• A Tennessee mother alleged in a federal suit against the Learn Center in Clinton that her 51-pound 9-year-old autistic son was bruised when school instructors used their body weight on his legs and torso to hold him down before putting him in a "quiet room" for four hours. Principal Gary Houck of the Learn Center, which serves disabled children, said lawyers have advised him not to discuss the case.

• Eight-year-old Isabel Loeffler, who has autism, was held down by her teachers and confined in a storage closet where she pulled out her hair and wet her pants at her Dallas County, Iowa, elementary school. Last year, a judge found that the school had violated the girl's rights. "What we're talking about is trauma," said her father, Doug Loeffler. "She spent hours in wet clothes, crying to be let out." Waukee school district attorney Matt Novak told CNN that the school has denied any wrongdoing.

• A mentally retarded 14-year-old in Killeen, Texas, died from his teachers pressing on his chest in an effort to restrain him in 2001. Texas passed a law to limit both restraint and seclusion in schools because the two methods are often used together.

This also reminds me of a case in the news a few weeks ago in which a 13 year old girl was strip searched by staff at an Arizona school because another student had ratted her out for having contraband Ibuprofen. Here's another CNN article on that case. Apparently the school staff didn't find the drugs when they searched the girl's purse and school bag so they assumed that she must have hidden it in her bra or panties. So they searched there also.

The girl was an honor student. The drug was a headache medicine. No "drugs" were found in her underwear either.

The US supreme court agreed to hear the case, but a decision has not yet been made. If history is any guide they will probably rule in the school's favor.

Over all these and other cases over the past few decades have pretty much established that students in US public schools shed their constitutional rights when they walk onto school property. Specifically, they no longer have their 1st, 4th or 8th amendment rights (to free speech, to privacy or against cruel and unusual punishment).

But, I guess we can all take comfort that these shedding of rights is done in the name of safety. After all, we can't keep kids safe unless we strip search them and lock them in "responsibility rooms" can we?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Dry Girls Get Pop

Only read ahead if you REALLY care to hear the story of potty training Gwen this weekend, and if you are not easily offended by language, and sarcasm. Otherwise, skip this, and I'll post about something else another day.

I hope I am not jumping the gun here, but feeding off Hawksbill's nice comment below, GWEN IS FINALLY POTTY TRAINED!! (At least, I hope she is) Woo hoo!!!

I took Wednesday through Friday off last week and on Friday Hawksbill and Simon went off for a "boy's weekend" and Gwen and I were going to have a "girl's weekend" where my goal was to yet again, attempt to potty train her. I promised her pop. I promised her that stinking doll my sister bought last August that has been collecting dust until she just peed on the stupid toilet one freaking time (JUST ONCE!!!) Finally, I bought another book (Toilet Training in Less than a Day by Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Foxx) a DVD (which I forgot about and is still shrink wrapped), a potty chair that you can remove the seat from the top rather than the bottom, and a doll that wets herself.

Yes, I read another stinking book on how to get my kid to do something she would eventually do, but I couldn't stand waiting any longer since she is now 4 years and 3 months old and size 6 diapers weren't cutting it anymore. This book "claimed" to have an average child trained in 3-4 hours...HOURS??? Ha ha ha....yes, right....hah ahahahahahhhahahahhahhahahha...but so goes it.

Friday we said we were going to teach the doll to pee on the potty because she was a big girl now and big girls stay dry. Well, step one, I SHOULD have tested the damn doll before I used it--I assumed a doll that wet itself had a little compartment to hold the water before it came spewing out the bottom, but no...the instant water hit "Melissa's" lips, water came out the other end...not exactly the effect I wanted, but we put the doll on the froggy potty chair (yes, I wasted another $10 on yet ANOTHER potty chair--1 of 5 now) and showed Melissa how to go. I explained to Gwen that she had to wear underwear now (am I the only person on the planet who hates the word "panties"?) and she had to stay dry....this all the while stuffing her with Pringles, candy, pop, juice boxes, and any other unhealthy thing I could manage to stuff in her that day. If I never see another Nestle crunch bar, it will be too soon.

Friday went ok....Gwen had 3 accidents, never went on the potty, but managed, at one point, to hold it for about 7.5 hours. I never asked her if she had to go potty, just asked her if she was dry, because dry girls get pop and candy...so, she was willing to hold it as long as possible for these rewards...not for peeing, but for staying DRY.

Saturday was interesting...she immediately put on underwear in the morning, and sometime around 3 pm, demanded I put her in a diaper because she didn't want to pee on the floor...so, in my gentle motherly way, dragged her butt kicking and screaming to the bathroom and told her (very sweetly--no seriously, I was speaking very softly whilst I dragged the devil child to her the place of her own personal hell) she couldn't leave the bathroom until she peed on the potty (please note this part deviates from the book). She cried, screamed, punched me, scratched me, I waited for CPS to show up, and I held that naked butt over the toilet and smiled a huge crazy grin and said how proud I was that today she was going to be a big girl and I just knew she could do this.

After a 45 minute tantrum, it finally happened...she couldn't hold it any longer, and whoosh...her first time peeing on the potty in about 9 months...

I jumped up and down, shouted, smiled, told her how proud I was, called Daddy, called Grandpa, called Auntie, told the neighbors, gave her the new doll from Auntie K (that has been waiting for her) and then continued to praise her for staying DRY.

So, the rest of the day, she told me when she had to go, and just did it by herself. This made me suspicious, but we went with it. I had just about enough cupcakes to kill a small horse, but anything she want, she got because she stayed dry. The only thing I would ask her from time to time was, "Are you dry?" and "If you have to pee, what do you do?" to which she would tell me, "Pee on the potty!!!"

Saturday night I was a little too optimistic and let her wear underwear to bed and sleep in MY bed (whoops--hey, it was my side, not Hawksbill's) so I put the diapers on that night and the next day, she threw out her diaper, put on a new pair of underwear, and would do everything herself...except #2 which she had been holding for 2 days now....

I will admit, I deviated from the book again around 9 pm Sunday night when I KNEW she had to do #2, and held her butt over the toilet for about 2.5 hours this time, but by 11:30 pm, we were tired and gave up....but...miracles do happen, and on Monday, after I got home from work, she let us know she had to do #2, went by herself...and that was that...

Gwen was home with Daddy Monday and Tuesday during the day, and took care of business herself all day long. She did have one accident this evening, but to be fair, she was outside, splashing in water in her bathing suit, knew she had to go, but just couldn't make it...but after she dried off and came back inside, she continued to do everything on her own, and let us know she was still dry.

So, I am sick of potato chips, juice boxes, cupcakes, twizzlers, you name it, if it is junk food, I don't want to see it. Gwen is wearing underwear now AND sitting on the couch without a towel under her or anything. I think she has finally got it. That diaper genie is TRASH.

This whole potty training ordeal has been especially stressful because of all the advice that EVERYONE seemed obligated to give us to tell us why we were doing it wrong.

So, let me end this with the only piece of parental advice I am willing to spew out to anyone anymore. Don't listen to anyone's unsolicited parental advice on ANYTHING. Just go with your freaking instincts. If you want to buy the wet wipe warmer, have at it. If you don't want to buy a diaper genie, don't buy one. If you want to feed your kid formula instead of breast milk--guess what, they won't die!!! If you think training girls are easier than training boys, you had a girl who happened to be easy to train. If you want to have 27 kids, have 27 kids. If you want to name your son "Qn8" (Pronounced, "Nate" the "Q" is silent)--have at it. If you only want your child to wear purple with yellow polka dots--What the f*ck ever.

Seriously. Everything everyone will tell you will either help or not help, so just do what works for you and screw everyone and everything else. If it works for you, don't doubt yourself...just DO IT and say to those with the unsolicited advice, "Thanks for the great advice! I'll have to try that!" while inside you are really rolling your eyes and thinking, "F*CK YOU and your stupid f*cking 'advice'!!!!"

The End.

:) Barbnocity

PS--Oh, did I mention Gwen just peed on the freaking potty again? Thank the Lord!!!

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Best. Wife. Ever.

I don't want to steal Barb's thunder. I'm sure she'll post on this topic soon on her own, but she's being super mom this weekend and I just want her to know I think she's amazing!

You rock, Baby. I love you like the wind!