The Dream is Always the Same

I have this recurring dream. I've been having it since my late teens or early twenties. I don't have it often, maybe once a year or every other year. And it isn't like what I normally think of as a recurring dream. That is, it isn't the same every time. Instead, it is progressive. I'll explain.

When I first had the dream, maybe 20 years ago, it went like this: I was on the top of a tall building, very high up, and I was standing on the edge holding 2 clip boards. It was scary. It was maybe 15 or 20 stories tall in the downtown area of a city I didn't recognize. I could see people and cars far below. Then a violent gust of wind came up and knocked me off the edge and I plummeted towards the grown below. I could feel that queasy falling feeling in the pit of my stomach as the ground rushed up to meet me.

Then, and I can't explain why I did this, I put a clip board in each hand and held them parallel to the ground in a desperate attempt to slow my fall. And it worked. I could feel the pressure of the air against the clip boards as they pushed my arms up. The more I pushed down against the air, the slower I fell until I crashed landed on the ground below me. I had slowed down enough to land safely, if not still violently. Then I woke up. It was a very vivid dream and I could remember every detail and every physical sensation of falling and landing. It stayed with me all day.

A year or so later I had the same dream. Same rooftop, same vividly experienced height. Same clip boards. But this time I remembered my previous dream and instead of waiting for the gust of wind to blow me off the edge, I grasped the clipboards firmly in each hand and jumped. This time I glided in a gentle spiral down to the ground and landed much more gently than the last time. Then I woke up with the same vivid memory of each visual and physical detail that stayed with me all day.

After that I kept having the dream every year or two. Every time it was a lucid dream, meaning I knew I was dreaming and could consciously act within the dream. The specifics would change, though. Instead of spiraling down to the ground I learned to control my glide so that I could travel a distance. After 8 or 10 years of this I finally learned that I didn't need the clipboards any more. I could support myself in the air merely by spreading my hands out and using them to grab the air currents. Every time I had the dream I got better and better at it. I learned to soar and it was exhilarating. I would find myself in the dream and look for a big building I could leap off of and take an elevator to the top. Then I'd spend the dream catching the updrafts and swerving in and out of buildings until I glided to the ground.

Two nights ago I had the dream again. It has been a number of years since the last one. Like usual, I greeted it like an old friend. I was standing on the top of a big parking structure in a remote area. As soon as I realized it was the dream I sprinted towards the edge of the roof and, without looking beforehand or caring what was below me I launched myself into the air and glided around until I hit the ground running. Then I sprinted back to the parking structure, up the stairs and did it all over again. I must have done that a dozen times before I finally woke up.

I don't know what there is about my psyche that prompts these dreams, but I love them. I love that each one is different and that I get better and better at flying each time. I love that I feel like I can look forward to them year after year. If not like clockwork then at least in a predictable sequence. I'm looking forward to the time in the dream when I can fly up from the ground instead of just gliding down from high up.

I figure if I have around 40 more years to live, that should be around 20-25 more dreams, if they keep happening. Maybe by the end I can achieve orbit.